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Today freakin rocked!

I got out of Modern History 1st hour and became a Woodlawn aide, I help with the latchkey program and I must say it is the most unbelievably awesome class anyone could ever have! I made some new friends, the cutest was a little redheaded girl named Abby. She was so adorable! She had these red sneakers because her favorite color is red and so we bonded over that. She and this other girl Hannah colored pictures and gave them to me, signed and everything. I colored too. I saw Faith and her brother Thomas, Mrs. Wickliffe's kids. Unfortunately I didn't get to play with Faith because she's now in 1st grade, whereas I'm with the Kindergarteners. Anyhow, so for the next 3 months I get to spend the first 70 minutes of my school day back in Kindergarten! How exciting! Maybe I'll get rid of all that pent up energy...

The rest of my day was splendid, but that just topped it.
Oh, I can't wait until tomorrow!

Finger painting here I come!

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The last "first day of school"...

Was pretty amazing in some respects, and kind of sucky in others. My schedule is still messed up beyond belief but I'm hoping I'll get it fixed before the week is over. I didn't really have many friends in any of my classes, except for maybe Stephanie, Zach, and Robin. I'd say Choir was the best, GOD I LOVE THAT CLASS!!! Zachary is in there and Casey was lol, and there's a bunch of other people that I'm rather fond of in there. Plus I love to sing so it works out in my favor.

Academic team is my second favorite class, so many jokes to get in before the 70 minutes is up. Lunch was different, I kept expecting Joe and Scott to pop up at any given moment. It's so weird. But it's just an adjustment, I'll get used to it eventually. From what I hear, Debate is nowhere near the same and that kind of scares me but I hope things get better as time goes on. Zach and I were "nominated" by several people to run the Fun bunch this year, I hope that works out because that would be awesome. I think the coolest part about my day was the fact that Travis and I were twinkies today! Oh yeah, matching polos AND belts. Can you say, unbelievable? Oh, the connection we share...

Anyhow, so that about wraps up my first day of Senior year.

I can't wait until tomorrow.

Currently Listening Horrorscope By Eve 6 Here's To The Night see related

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The last day of summer...

It was pretty amazing. Alan and I went out to have some fun and enjoy the last day of our last high school summer. It was around 7:00 and our movie didn't start until 9:10 so we went cruising to Mounds, keep in mind that he drives a convertible so it was quite an experience. The sun was going down and the weather felt so great, and my hair was getting tangled seven ways to Sunday. But no big deal. Then we went to hang at Kelly Lane. Drew, Daniel, and Jeff were having a small back-to-school get together, that was fun. Then we went to the theater, we saw Accepted. I must say it is the perfect movie to see for going back to school. On the way home we talked about our plans for the future and college. And we listened to sad graduation music. We just can't believe that tomorrow is like, the beginning of the end. We're seniors, this is it. Tomorrow is our last first day of school. I'm just in utter shock at how quickly 13 years go by. Man, I already want to cry and the school year hasn't even begun. Well, not yet anyways. Not for a few more hours. I'm really excited that I'll get to see everyone though. In closing I'd like to say that this summer was truly THE best I've ever had. I feel like I lived it to the fullest. I feel like I lived a lot, learned a lot, and really just had a LOT of fun. I don't regret a single second of it. I only wish it weren't over, but as they say...All good things must end. Sad yes, but we've gotta start school at some point or another. So I guess I'm content with it all.  

Alrighty, time to catch some Z's, I have the feeling that tomorrow is going to be a loooong day. Goodnight!

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So apparently Chris didn't get the hint when I said goodbye. He called me earlier today on his break, I just let the phone ring. He left a voice message requesting his stupid book back and to leave it with one of the guys if he wasn't there. Haha. Boy, did I have a surprise for him. I didn't want to talk to him so I just sent him a couple hateful texts back saying what I had done. He sounded pretty upset, apparently it had some sentimental value attached, I could give a shit less. So I just told him that I was through with him, to leave me alone, etc. etc.  

Call me what you will but if I don't do this now, I'm never going to be able to do it. I've tried and failed so many times before. I've managed to keep my anger sustained, which is nearly impossible any other time. And it makes things so much easier. Being bold like this and being able to push someone away is something that I can rarely ever do. This is my chance to escape before things get worse, if that's even possible.

Currently Listening Darkest Days Save Yourself see related

You cannot save me. You can't even save yourself.

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Oh no, my feelings are more important than yours. Oh, drop dead. I don't care, I won't worry. Let it go. 
-The Strokes

Oh! My mind is an absolute junkyard right now. I don't even know where to begin...

It was quite the experience but as of last night and after 7 emotionally torturing months, I decided to shut the door on Chris (Richardson, goddamnit) and never look back for as long as I live.

I should've left SO much sooner but I purposely ignored the signs. I guess I had loved him so much that I'd go through hell just to stay with him. And I did. That's fucking pathetic. I saw right through him and his lies, but I refused to let it in. He NEVER admitted to shit, ever. But last week, he broke down and confessed what he'd done and I threw it in his face that I was right all along. He finally let me win.

It's sad but last night when I said goodbye I felt this huge relief, like he had been a burden on me. I was so happy, I laughed. That's not how things should ever be. The hold he had over me was unbelievable, it's like I was trapped. I couldn't stand to hurt him, that was the only thing that was keeping me there and it wasn't even a good enough reason. But I just got so fed up, I always had to make the effort to patch things up, to say sorry first. When HE cheated on ME, I had to bring him up out of his depression. I couldn't make him feel like shit like I had wanted because I was afraid that if I had picked at him hard enough, he just might kill himself.

No one should ever have to tolerate that much shit from a person. I don't think I've ever been more stressed in my life. I can't believe I used to think he was the most amazing person in the world. Now, all that remains is betrayal on top of a pile of lies.

So I got drunk last night for the first time ever. Not the wisest decision, I know. But I did it on purpose, I knew what was going to happen and I knew being slightly inebriated would allow me to handle things much better. You know, numb the pain. So I IM'ed him and said about 2 lines worth of stuff, said goodbye, and signed off while he was in mid-sentence, before he even had a chance to fight back...that felt really good. I'd beat him to it. He always runs away from me while I'm still talking and last night I finally shut the door in his face first. If he ever read this I know he'd fight to the death and say he ended things first just because he always has to have the last say and he has to be the valiant one. I honestly don't give a shit who broke up with who, I'm just glad I was able to walk away first.

I was laughing at everything and then out of nowhere I had this sudden explosion of rage and I just went crazy. I can't believe how badly I snapped last night, that was the worst I've ever been. I had been keeping so much of it bottled up inside and I finally just let all the anger and rage and the hurt pour right out. I honestly feel like if I had stayed with him much longer, I'd probably end up at Laureate.

He gave me this stupid book on Taoism as a "safety deposit" to hold onto until my birthday, like it ever meant shit anyways. But anyhow I ran, wobbled rather, downstairs and shredded it to pieces, shouting obscenities in the process. I grabbed the lighter and went outside to burn it, but Dad furiously ran after me and dragged me back inside. Then as I was running back upstairs, I cut my toe on something sharp in the process, I think it was a nail. But my adrenaline was so high that I didn't feel a thing (Also partly due to the alcohol), I only realized it after I saw blood gushing from my toe. Then I laughed.

I'm still just as enraged as I was last night, I'm glad though. I've found that it's SO much easier to leave a person if you're angry at them. If you're all sad and sentimental it just makes it that much harder to walk away. Me, I'm running.

So things are good. I'm so ready to move on. School is starting and I know it'll keep me completely occupied. I'll be around good friends all day long and it'll be that much easier to forget. I'll have no time to dwell on things. So...I'm relieved, I'm happy. I'm sure that he, too, is much happier now with that whore, whatever. Karma's a bitch. I know he'll get what's coming to him. In time, in time...